It's That Time of Year Again

Dear Mr. British House Spider,

GO. AWAY. Do you really have to creep into our living room to look for a mate? I mean, c'mon. Does our house look like a place for hunka hunka burnin' arachnid love? Well let me tell you something, I'm going to put a serious dent in your love life tonight, mister. And your head! 

The male house spider comes out in early September to look for a mate.

Don't sit still on that carpet and stare at me! Stop it! STOP. IT. Damn you and your long, hairy legs! Now let me think...if I stomp on you that'll be one big mess on the carpet. But if I grab you with a tissue I'll feel you though the tissue, ew, ew, ew, EW! If I... 

Hey! Come back here!! Where are you...dammit, get out from under that sofa!! Grrrrrrr...<pulls sofa away from wall.> Ahh, there you are. <Runs and gets vacuum cleaner.> 

<Turns vacuum on> Right! Now then...hey, where'd you go?? <Looks around, panic-stricken> DAMMIT! 

<Turns off vacuum and steps gingerly around the living room.> 

<Slowly looks up.>

EEEEEK!! 

<Runs out of the room as Mr. Spider jumps off the wall and scuttles across the floor.>

Hubby: What the hell is all that racket? 

Me: <Innocently> Ohhh nothing. Um, I'm going upstairs. The living room's all yours, honey! 

Words and Phrases

Define this word: Innit

A. An Eskimo.

"When we visited Alaska, we saw lots of Innits in igloos!"

B. The mating call of the British garden frog

"Innit innit innit innit innit...."

C. A British mashup of the words "isn't it."

"Look at that giant frog in that igloo! It's a big one, innit?"

If you answered C, you're correct! And no, you don't win a prize (hey I'm working on a budget here).

I thought I knew everything there was to know about British words and phrases. Yes I knew that "petrol" was "gas" and the "boot" of a car was the "trunk" of a car and a "holiday" was a "vacation." But when I got here, I never realized how many other words and phrases I'd never heard of before.

Here's a very small sample of some that stumped me:

Trainers = Sneakers

OK, I could get used to that.

Tights = Pantyhose

Where I'm from, tights are thick, colored, tight leggings. Pantyhose is different. I couldn't understand why all the shops I visited sold tights and not pantyhose. I knew women wore pantyhose, why couldn't I find any? Was I shopping in the wrong place? And then the lightbulb turned on.

Rubber = Eraser

As a lot of you may know, in America "rubber" is slang for a condom. The first time someone at work asked me for a rubber I nearly fainted!

Everything's gone pear-shaped

It means everything's gone wrong.

Teething Problems

If a project has some problems when first implemented, then it's got teething problems. You could have teething problems and then everything could go pear-shaped.

Groundhog Day

OK. This takes some explaining. Yes, "Groundhog Day" is the 1993 movie starring Bill Murray as a man who lives the same day over and over again.

The British have adapted the phrase "groundhog day" to mean "déjà vu." As in, "Oh! Didn't I just do this yesterday? It feels like groundhog day."

No, no, no. *Repeated head bang on desk*  It's an actual day.

Groundhog Day is February 2nd. If the groundhog comes out of his burrow and sees his shadow, then there will be six more weeks of winter. Otherwise, an early spring is on the way. See? Simple.

Here's a good website that explains the folklore behind it (click on the name below):

Groundhog Day

Finally, let's talk a little about pronunciations. God knows I get picked on if I forget myself and say "to-MAY-to" by accident. Hmmph. But how come I say to-MAY-to, they say to-MAH-to, I say po-TAY-to...but they don't say po-TAH-to? C'mon guys, let's be consistent.

Here are a few pronunciations that were new to me:

Controversy. Sometimes pronounced, "con-TRAH-versy." I mostly hear that in newscasts.

Oregano. Pronounced "or-e-GAH-no." I burst out laughing the first time I heard that one.

Basil. Pronounced "BAH-sil." I thought he was married to Sybil?

Herb. Pronounced "HHHerb" with an "H" and not "erb" like we say it. One of my British friends laughed at me and said, "Why wouldn't you pronounce the 'H'? You do it in every other word." I just looked at her and said, "What about the word 'honor'?" She couldn't answer me -- they use a silent "H" for that word too.

(And yes I'm aware that I wrote "honor" and not "honour." It's my blog and I'll spell it how I like. So there.)

Adidas (the sportswear brand). Pronounced "AD-i-das" with the accent on the first syllable. Well that's a strange word anyway.

Aluminium = Aluminum.  Oh sure, as if the word doesn't have enough syllables already, they had to add an extra one! I'll just say tin foil. 

And finally, as my friends all know, the one that really gets me:

Maryland. Pronounced as it looks, "Mary-land" and not "Merilund." But I mean, really. Mary-land? Sounds like the land of Marys. But whatever.

I could go on and on. I actually find the language differences fascinating, so I hope no one minds me poking a little fun. After all, my language is made fun of all the time. And I like to give back.

And that's pretty interesting...innit?

Jersey Girl

With the sad passing of Bruce Springsteen's dear friend and sax player Clarence Clemons, I found myself reflecting on my Jerseyness recently.

Once a Jersey Girl, always a Jersey Girl. I miss diners and pork roll sandwiches, and I still say "cawfee." On a hot day I miss hopping in the car and driving down to the Jersey shore to visit Point Pleasant.

 

(Courtesy of nj.com)

My Jerseyness came out recently when I had a conversation with a coworker who I hadn't worked with much before. Out of the blue he asked me, "What part of the States are you from?" When I told him New Jersey, his eyes opened wide and he asked, "Are you a Springsteen fan?"

And that started a loooong conversation about all things Jersey. He's seen The Boss twenty-three times. Twenty three! I'm from NJ and have only seen him twice! We talked about Springsteen and the NJ Turnpike. How far did I live from Asbury Park? Have I ever been to the Stone Pony? He said these places are folklore to him. The Turnpike? Really? Sure, I can see the attraction.

(Courtesy of aaroads.com)

It's strange to think that people around the world are fans of this guy from Jersey. I mean, they don't know the Turnpike or Asbury Park, I do! How can they relate? But I guess it's the same as me, a Beatles fan, going all gooey at crossing Abbey Road in London for the first time. I realize now just what an ambassador Bruce is for the Garden State.

And now it's time to shift gears a little and tell you about an amusing encounter I had at work a few years ago.

I once had a conversation with another coworker, a lovely Vietnamese woman whose nationality was Canadian. I'll call her Susie (to spare her the embarrassment). It was summer and the 4th of July was happening over the weekend.

We'd spoken many times before, and on this particular day our conversation went something like this:

Susie: "What are you doing this weekend?"

Me: "Oh, nothing really. It's the 4th of July but I don't have any plans to celebrate."

Susie: (Points and gasps, with mouth wide open) "Oh! You're American!!!"

Me:  (Staring at her and laughing) "Of course I'm American! What did you think think this accent was?? I'm from New Jersey!"

Susie: "I thought you were from the Jersey Isles!" (Here in England.) "I'm not very good with accents."

Me: (Laughing uncontrollably) "Obviously!! You do realize what the team would say if I told them about this!"

(Pause)

Me: (Yelling to the team) "Hey guys! you'll never guess what Susie just said...."

Susie left the company years ago...but the story will never grow old!

Telly

"What's on the telly?"

"Looks like a penguin."

I was never a stranger to British TV. Every Sunday night at 10:30 my siblings and I watched Monty Python religiously. We also watched other comedies like Fawlty Towers, The Goodies, The Good Life, and Butterflies. The program Masterpiece Theater showed wonderful British dramas, with Poldark being my favorite.  I was a real connoisseur of British TV.

Or so I thought.

Those TV shows were from the 70's. When I got here I was shocked to learn that I didn't know any of the current programs or celebrities. My induction into British TV consisted of watching mindless daytime TV like cooking and DIY (do-it-yourself) shows.

The DIY shows varied. There were shows about how to spruce up your house if you were selling it, or how to use those odds and ends of wood, paint, etc. to create some wondrous and exciting new room.  What eye-openers! I never realised just how small some houses were, or that people would actually paint rooms in garish colors like orange or lime green.

Speaking of eye-opener...one day I was watching a show called "Escape to the Country." This is a show in which a city couple, who want to move to the country, are presented with beautiful homes in the countryside which they can potentially bid on and buy.

On this particular program, the city couple were nudists looking for that private country home in the sticks. As they were being interviewed, they showed the woman from the waist up, totally barebreasted. (And, shall we say, she was no lightweight.) Did I mention that this was at 12:00 on a Sunday afternoon? I called out to Hubby, "Look! Look! There's a naked woman on TV and it's only 12:00 in the afternoon!" He came in, shrugged his shoulders and left the room. Ha, nothing new over here.

All these years later, we tend to watch documentaries, BBC dramas or movies.  Cooking shows are still a favorite, since we both like to cook.  As for the "fluff" you can always catch me watching music shows like American Idol (shown a day later than in the US) or the X Factor. If there's really nothing on, Hubby will dig out his DVDs of Frasier, his favorite sitcom. Funny, but I never watched it in the States, but I love it now.

Basically, TV here is just as bad as back home. To quote Bruce Springsteen, "Fifty-seven channels and nothing on."  Actually we have about 10 times that amount of channels. And most times there's still nothing on!

Here are a few other quirky (to an American) facts about British TV:

• We have to pay for a TV license each year. Yup, and we can be in big trouble if we don't pay.  I know, I know, it seems really, really wrong and backwards. But actually the money is used to fund the BBC, which means that the channels BBC1 and BBC2 show programs with no commercials. NO commercials. Now that's worth it!

• Speaking of commercials, they're awful! While we don't get nearly as many commercial breaks as in the US, we do get the same ads repeated over and over and over. We see this guy a lot (click on the words below):

          The "Go Compare" Guy
 

         Now you know why the mute button gets used a lot in our house!

• TV shows have strange start and end times. In the US, TV shows generally start either on the hour or the half hour. Here, you might have a TV show start at 6:50 PM and end at 8:15. I don't really know why that is. And a program that you watch from week to week might have a different starting time every week. How anyone can keep track of their favorite TV show is beyond me!

• There is an abundance of American TV here, including:

               The Simpsons

               ER

               Two and a Half Men

               Buffy the Vampire Slayer

               Frasier

               Scrubs

               Glee

               Judge Judy

               Friends

    

And...

               Jerry Springer. I'm so proud.

    

Driving

Q: What's this:

Chug-chug-chug KAPUT! Chug-chug-chug KAPUT!

A: That's the sound of me learning how to drive (and stall) a manual car for the first time.

Eighteen years after getting my license, I had to learn to drive all over again. And not just any old car, but a manual one (i.e. a stick shift). Oh, the joy. A clutch? What's that? And I have to manually change gears? Really? On top of this I also had to learn how to drive while sitting on the right side of the car, and driving on the left side of the road. Backwards! And manage narrow roads and foreign road signs. Oh sure, I could do all that (rolls eyes). Just let me get out my Wonder Woman outfit and I'll be all set...

Getting to grips with the clutch and changing gears took me forever to learn. And not without a few tears! "What a difficult way to drive a car!" I once complained to John, my driving instructor. He just laughed. I can't tell you how many times I'd stall the car in the middle of the road with a line of traffic behind me. The good thing is, British drivers don't honk their horns very often like in NJ. Of course the big red "L" which all learner drivers have to display on their car probably gave them a hint that I was a new driver. So I avoided the cacophony of horns but did experience some rather stern stares.

John was amused that I was American and new to England. I'd inadvertantly drift to the right side of the road at first and he'd steer me back laughing, "Woah! You're going back to your old habits!" One thing I learned is that unlike the US, there aren't as many road signs. But there are a lot of markings on the road itself and I had to get into the habit of looking down more as I drove. On more than one occasion I'd start to drive through an intersection, only to have John slam the brakes on his side because I hadn't noticed the "give way" markings on the road.

Roundabouts were an experience! Sometimes they still are. To turn right at a roundabout, you have to go left and then go around the roundabout to the right. "You mean I have to go left to go right? How silly is that!"  It took me ages to get the hang of it. And I live in Swindon, Wiltshire, the home of roundabouts. Don't believe me? Well check this out. It's called the Magic Roundabout (named after a children's TV show):

                                         (Courtesy of Swindonweb)

Yes, it's real, believe me. Don't ask me to explain it, it'll just make your head hurt. But I did find this cool YouTube video animation which demonstrates how it works (click on the title below): 

Swindon's Magic Roundabout Explained 

Got it now?

I had the added pressure of only being in England for 2 weeks, so I didn't even know the area or the roads. At the end of each lesson John would say, "OK you can drive home now." And I'd say, "Great, but how do I get there?"

Once I passed my test I thought, "Whew... I don't have to do that anymore." Um....Earth to Gina! I had to keep driving! Honestly, it took me years to get comfortable with it. I couldn't put the radio on or have any distractions because I was concentrating so hard. The narrow roads here were challenging. I was used to the "I'm from NJ, I own the road, get out of my way" mentality. But roads are narrow and if cars are parked on your side of the road, it blocks the lane and you have to drive on the right side of the road (hooray)! But if traffic is heading your way you have to find a place to pull over to let them pass. It's all about sharing the road...ha, try that in NJ.

Not only that but there are added obstacles like cyclists, tractors and horses. If they're in your lane and there's no room, you need to swerve to the right to pass them. Or, you can stay behind them and drive at 2 miles an hour. And for the horses, you have to drive past them slowly so they don't get spooked. New stuff for this city girl!

Ten years later...I can whiz around roundabouts like nobody's business, change gears, pass horses and play the radio at the same time. I never EVER thought I'd get it. But I did. If I can do it, anyone can!

I'm Here!

When I moved here in 2000, I thought I was the only American in England. Really! I never imagined that there could be others as wacky as me, moving to a completely different country. But that's honestly how I felt.

I didn't work, drive, didn't know anyone and didn't even know my way around the block. While Hubby was at work I either surfed the web or watched TV.  Even that was a shock. I didn't know any of the TV shows nor did I know any of the celebrities. I ended up watching a lot of cooking shows. Cooking couldn't be that foreign, right?

Ummm...Jamie Oliver? Who was he? (He's a TV chef.)  

I got seriously frustrated at not recognizing anyone on TV. I finally found Comedy Central and spent many hours watching American TV shows, even shows I didn't normally watch in the US, simply because the accents and characters were familiar and I found it oddly comforting.

I spent the first month or so waiting for my belongings to arrive by boat. I'd brought some clothes with me, but that was it. In hindsight, I should have brought some things to do, like books or CDs. I was bored. So for you budding expatriates who are planning the big move, make sure you bring some things to do while you wait for your life to arrive here!

One day I realized that I had to start learning my way around. So I bravely decided to take the bus into town. Ooooh the excitement! I know it doesn't REALLY sound exciting, but actually it was rather scary. I had to learn the bus route and the fact that when buying a bus ticket you didn't say "round trip" but "return."  Once in town, I didn't know my way around at all. I just wandered around, carefully feeling my way and trying to remember where to go to pick up the bus for going home.  I still managed to shop and spend money, though! Ahhhh...retail therapy. And I slowly built up my confidence, too.

The biggest thing I had to learn was driving. But I have enough stories to save that for another blog!

The Big Move!

"Don't Panic." ~ Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Let's see. How much stress could I possibly cram into one year? I had to plan a wedding, plan an overseas move, quit my job, clear out my apartment, figure out what I was taking and sell my furniture. All while future hubby and I were on 2 different continents. Sure, I could do that.

ARRRGH!!

Take a deep breath! Moving overseas is a huge, huge undertaking. If you're planning the big move I can't give any specific advice on the process because I'm sure that rules have probably changed in the 10 years that I've been here. But I can give one important bit of advice:

     Google is your friend.

Go onto the Internet and read, read, read! Participate in online forums and take the advice of those who are already here. We know best. We're living it. You can refer to the links at the top of this page as a start. But there are more sites out there if you look.

As the saying goes, "One day you'll look back on this and laugh."  Be comforted in knowing that there are lots of people like us. We've done it, and we survived. And we're laughing. So will you!

A New Beginning

"He seems nice, I think I'll send him an email."

People are amused when I tell them that I met my British husband on the internet. It was April 1998, I'd just gotten my first PC and I was looking for people to email.   Surfing around, I stumbled upon a pen pal website and as I scrolled through the hundreds of names, I saw his entry. He looked like a nice chap, so I clicked on his name (insert dramatic music here). He'd written something funny, although I can't remember what it was now -- ha, maybe it wasn't that funny after all! 

He said that he was afraid of spiders and I thought, "Well he must be harmless!" So I sent him an email and to my surprise he actually wrote back. Over the course of several months, the emails turned to phone calls which eventually turned into visits.

Oh, that first visit was something. I decided it would be best for him to visit me in New Jersey, rather than me visiting him in England. I figured if he turned out to be an ax murderer then at least I'd be on my home turf! But did I make it easy for him? Oh no. His visit happened at Thanksgiving, where not only did we meet for the first time, but he also met my entire family all at once. Nothing like making his first trip to the States a challenge, eh! Well that didn't scare him off, so he really must have thought I was worth it.

I learned that love can strike unexpectedly. But more importantly, I learned that he wasn't an ax murderer.

Years later, I always joke that I meant to click on the name of the guy who was in the list below him. Imagine if that had happened! I wonder where I'd be? Just goes to show you, when surfing the web, be careful what you click on!